An original journal entry from Dec 5th
A blog seems like a logical place to tell my story...I wonder just how far I should go back???? hmmmm, I guess before the brain tumor diagnosis. Well the "Coles Notes" would be as follows: Halifax chick, originally from Quebec, messed up family like most people...been a single mom since 2006 and have done a damn fine job in molding and creating two amazing kids. Work hard, play little, and have the most amazing circle of friends anyone could ever ask for....and Thank God for that because my life changed on Oct 3rd 2012, that's when my phone rang at work to tell me that my MRI the day before results showed I had meningioma.
Things moved really fast, MRI on a Tuesday, results on a Wednesday and a phone call on the Friday telling me that I had an appt with a neuro surgeon the following Tuesday. Wow my head is spinning trying to take it all in. During this time, I'm still working somehow getting through the stress with humor...suddenly I have an excuse for all the silly blonde things I do...and all my co-workers welcome the humor and joke along...a coping mechanism for them as well, I'm sure.
So...Tuesday rolls around and my partner T Jay who is my rock to say the least comes with me as I am armed with a million questions. How long will I be in the hospital, how long is the surgery, do I have to have to get in the horrible MRI tubes ever again, will I get off the Gabba meds? Dr Walling is called back into surgery...so we wait in the office. Dr Lwu finally shows up, who is actually from BC, helping out our hospital here in Halifax, NS. She has now taken over my case, and a lovely Dr she is. Fantastic bed side manner and starts to explain things to me and then shows me the MRI image...what the hell is that is all I can think as I stare at the screen blankly...it's a huge white blob...in my head. And I'm thinking...that can't be life size, seriously, I know I have a little pea head but that head looks tiny and that tumor looks huge!!!!! Then all I remember is blah blah blah blah as T Jay asked all my questions and Dr Lwu looked directly at me and answered them...
Several days later I head to my family Dr....no messing around I want you to read to me the MRI report...and he does, it states: "A large mass arising from the region of the Meckel's cave into the posterior fossa causing compression of the brain stem. This is draped over the sphenoid wing and measures 2.5 X 2.4 X 2.1 in the AP, transverse, and craniocaudal dimensions respectively"....humph....WOW OK...so this thing is round, three dimensional? Looked so flat on the screen, never occurred to me it was round....well now that changes everything, at least in my thinking...
Phone rings I have Pre OP on Oct 31st but no surgery date as of yet...ok well we are one step closer I'm thinking...WOW the phone rings again on Nov 2...your surgery is booked for Nov 9th be there at 5:30 am. Ok this is becoming real...really fast...I have one week to organize everything, I called my lawyer and updated my will, life insurance polices are all out and organized...I have an overwhelming feeling that this must all be taken care of...so I do.
Nov 9th is here and I arrive at hospital with my wonderful partner T Jay and my dear friends Heather and Dawn are there to see me off to the OR for 7:30. We laugh and joke to pass the time, using my brain tumor as a source of entertainment, it is the only way any of us are coping. In comes the Anesthesiologist...yup this is what we are going to do, a line in your neck (YUK) and in your wrist... and then his phone rings...he's got to go we need your OR room someone has come in with a head full of blood. We'll be back.....ummm ok ....and so we wait. My awesome nurse Jean helps us pass the time as I grow increasingly aware that I have not had a cup of tea. I know really...should I be thinking about tea? Welll...I like my tea. In Jean comes...horay they are finishing up with that case and will have a little break and then it's my turn. Yipeeee in a weird kinda way. I'm told by my darling partner T Jay that I should close my eyes that my yattering was starting to hurt his ears and with that laughter it was like someone granted me permission to sleep and I did!!!...for 15 hard minutes I slept to be woken up by Dr Lwu....I'm sorry we have to cancel you, another EMG case just came in, we have to rebook you, I'm really sorry and with that she leaves. ummm ok and we all wonder what the hell just happened.
I spend that weekend in a puddle of tears...and start to realize that this fight is bigger then me...my funny little tumor in my head is no longer funny....I can't get through this with humor...I can't even put on my big girl panties and pull up my socks...I have now succumb to the reality, I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR and this one sucks!!!!
Off to my family Dr who prescribes me some anti anxiety meds to take along with my gabba...I'm a vitamin girl...not a handful of prescription crap, but I take it. So I walk around like a zombie but start to sleep which is something I haven't had to pleasure of doing in some time. My Dr puts me off of work due to stress...and I wait...and I wait, and I call Dr Lwu's secretary...who keeps saying, we are not sure maybe next week...and we wait and wait and I take more and more drugs...we are now up to Monday...Dec 3rd..... Man this is frustratingCollapse this post
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